Don’t Be Deceived By…Doubt
It’s been a long time since my last blog post and I have no good excuse other than, life. Sometimes life gets crazy and things don’t go the way that I’d like it to go. I’ve even failed on the social media front. No matter how hard I try to keep up with the daily communications, I seem to drop the ball.
Yesterday was a tough day for me. Hell, who am I kidding, this past week has been insane. I’m currently functioning on about 3 hours of sleep over the past 4 days. My world feels like it is crashing in on me and I am extremely angry. I’ve shelved all of my writing, when in fact, that’s the one thing I should be doing, because that’s my outlet and it keeps me sane. I just seem not to be able to find any words that are worth writing when I’m raging.
I haven’t talked about the things that are bothering me, because we all go through things in our lives and I don’t want to bring anyone down with my problems. I try very hard to be a positive, uplifting person, and I’m afraid this post will be anything but that. As a matter of fact, I’m sure there are some that will identify with exactly what I am going through and how I am feeling.
As some of you know, I have a child with special needs. I’ve been working very hard to help him get SSI benefits so that he has a little bit of money to live on, since they have started cutting his hours at work. He doesn’t work much, just eight hours a week, which has now been reduced to four and sometimes they don’t put him on the schedule at all due to everyone’s hours being cut. Physically, eight hours is about all he can handle. I spent two hours on the phone yesterday, waiting to talk to a live person at the Social Security office. I know this is standard, but it just really pissed me off! And then I went to fill out the hundreds of pages of paperwork online, and got locked out of the system. Just a shitty day!
Back in July 2017, which is when I started taking my hiatus from social media, my father-in-law was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Two days later, my mother had a stroke. And this Friday, I will be taking my mother in for a biopsy on her breasts because her second mammogram came back funky. I’m scared. I’m angry. And honestly, I just want to sit down, scream and cry. And there’s more. Stuff that I can’t share in a blog post. Things that I must keep to myself, but are driving me crazy and stressing me out beyond belief.
I am well aware that I haven’t put out a book in over a year, and that drives me crazy as well. I just can’t seem to find the time to sit down and focus on writing. I think my words would just be shit and full of anger.
I am really trying to remain positive, and focus on the good things in life. Because things are good! It’s just the bad seems to be getting to me right now. I know it will pass. My daughter is getting married next August and I am helping her with her wedding and all of the planning. Sometimes I feel guilty because I don’t feel like I’m helping her enough. And of course…I enjoy spending time with my beautiful, precious grandson. He is such a little sweetheart. I can’t believe that he is almost 11 months old and walking everywhere.
I’m glad I got some of this off my chest. I needed to and now I see that I have so much to be thankful for and that’s what I need to focus on. For those of you going through similar things, you are not alone. I will close here for now, and hopefully, I will have more positive news the next time we talk.
Love and Hugs,